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I am big fan of the cinema. But I must say that I was very, very disappointed by the new Tarantino war epic.
I mean, I'm all for revisionist history. (See my holocaust denial blog!) And I love it when I see Nazi's wearing their uniforms, in full glory, long before the Zionists shut down their fun. Oh, to view a man in uniform. The regalia! If I didn't hate gays so much, I'd probably be one.
I digress... This film by Mr. Tarantino is an abomination. Firstly, Goebbels looked nothing like the actor who portrayed him. Nothing like him! I should know -- his face is tattooed on my knee.
And what a one-sided point of view! Nazis are bad. Jews are good. Where's the objectivity? Nazis did a lot of good things: They built highways, lowered unemployment, lowered the crime rate, encouraged a strong family. C'mon, Quentin, do some research. (Again, see my blog!)
When is Mel Gibson gonna make another flick, eh? He gets it.
Yes, indeed, happy holidays. But really, are you surprised to be taking my photo this Christmas morning? Me, Mr. Sitcom star, son of Martin, brother of Emilio, executive producer of "No Code Of Conduct", noted cocaine enthusiast and lover of love, arrested for domestic violence. It should be more befuddling that I haven't been pinched for this yet. Wait, shit... I was. In 1996. Strike that previous point.
Let's just say that I'm a very complicated man. I gamble incessantly, I've been with whores in the past, I'm a firm believer that 9/11 was a inside job, I've been known to act from time to time. You need to see the man as a whole; not just the sum of his many, many arrests.
And yes, I will be the focus of the media's scrutiny. It's the end of the year, not much going on, something about health care happening but hey, look, Charlie Sheen's in trouble again. Let's drag him through the mud. Get some whacked out interviews with his dad who'll probably quote Jack Kennedy and Elia Kazan to try and defend his beleaguered son. And the there's Denise -- I'm sure Oprah will book her ass on the next show, squeezing out ever embarrassing detail. So I love internet porn. So does Christie Brinkley's ex-husband, but it's not all over "Access Hollywood"!
So, in this holiest of seasons, let's learn to forget and forgive, focus on family, happiness and good health. And the fact that Tiger Woods is still cheating on his wife with some nasty-assed looking hos. Still!
Merry Christmas!
Hmmm.
My head looks like a penis. That was a conscious, aesthetic decision. You see, when I'm out with a woman, and she looks at my head, which looks like a penis, she can't but begin to wonder what my actual penis looks like. One things leads to another and wouldn't you know it, I'm getting deep into that steez.
So, go ahead, Mr. Policeman, take my photo, mock my phallus-like-dome.
(BTW, have you noticed my thick, coarse beard hair? Again, no accident. I mean, the carpet and drapes have to match, right? Just getting the ladies ready for my 'Mighty Boosh'. Ya feel me?)
When I was a kid, I would beg my parents to let me stay up late so I could watch "Grizzly Adams." Clearly, it had a big effect on me. I live in the woods (Well, in a car parked near the woods.) My best friend and lifelong companion is a 'bear' named Ben. (Met him in my car parked by the woods.) And I've got a beard. Not your average 'Van Dyke' or Goatee or even one of those ironic 'hipster' beards, like you see on Jason Lee or Brad Pitt. This thing is the real deal. Thick, bushy, uncombed, lice-riddled.
And the best part -- I shaved yesterday. Imagine what three days of growth looks like? Eat your heart out, Jim James.
Good sir, could you please come a bit closer. My vision, in my advanced years, has ebbed. What was once a bounty of color and shapes has withered to a fuzzy, Manet-like view of the world. Curse these worthless eyes!
It seem that you have pointed your finger at me and begged a question. Alas, my ears have fallen quite deaf, a condition brought upon me during my incumbency as a traveling musical technician for the minstrels Megadeth.
Oh, you wish to know what happened to my incisors? Ah, a previous encounter with a constable wherein I let loose my wicked tongue proved to be a most foolish advance on my part.
Now would be too forward to beg of you a simple cup of tea? It calms my jangled nerves whilst I await my solicitor.
I am big fan of the cinema. But I must say that I was very, very disappointed by the new Tarantino war epic.
