Happy Holidays

Yes, indeed, happy holidays. But really, are you surprised to be taking my photo this Christmas morning? Me, Mr. Sitcom star, son of Martin, brother of Emilio, executive producer of "No Code Of Conduct", noted cocaine enthusiast and lover of love, arrested for domestic violence. It should be more befuddling that I haven't been pinched for this yet. Wait, shit... I was. In 1996. Strike that previous point.

Let's just say that I'm a very complicated man. I gamble incessantly, I've been with whores in the past, I'm a firm believer that 9/11 was a inside job, I've been known to act from time to time. You need to see the man as a whole; not just the sum of his many, many arrests.

And yes, I will be the focus of the media's scrutiny. It's the end of the year, not much going on, something about health care happening but hey, look, Charlie Sheen's in trouble again. Let's drag him through the mud. Get some whacked out interviews with his dad who'll probably quote Jack Kennedy and Elia Kazan to try and defend his beleaguered son. And the there's Denise -- I'm sure Oprah will book her ass on the next show, squeezing out ever embarrassing detail. So I love internet porn. So does Christie Brinkley's ex-husband, but it's not all over "Access Hollywood"!

So, in this holiest of seasons, let's learn to forget and forgive, focus on family, happiness and good health. And the fact that Tiger Woods is still cheating on his wife with some nasty-assed looking hos. Still!

Merry Christmas!

Hmmm.